Don't drive yourself insane
by xKittymeow
Summary: I stay calm, yet in my head I'm going crazy. I kept my cool, but inside my mind I was going insane. I pretended to be okay, but inside I'm dying to cry out. Sasunaru. / Rated T for swearing
1. 1 Insanity

You walked pass me in the hall way as if you didnt know me.

As if all our memories disappeared.

As if.. I didn't exsist.

I can't fight it. I can't deny. I stay calm, yet in my head I'm going crazy. I'm still in love with you. But I guess you don't feel the same way. I hope I'm not just another one of your toys. I hope you did really love me. Liar. Liar. You said you did.

"Oi..Naruto!" Kiba yelled, snapping me back to reality. "What's wrong with ya? You don't look too well." I laughed, with such pain that only my eyes can express. Dammit, please don't cry. Not now. Kiba stared at me for a moment, until I wiped the water in my eyes and spoke, " Damn you, made me laugh till my eyes are tearing!" He laughed out as well, " Fuck, you almost scared the shit outta me."

"I'm going to go for a smoke. You coming?" I took out a lighter.

"What about Chemistry class?" "Hah, you're kidding right, since when do you give a shit." I jumped across a low-fence between the school and the world. Kiba laughed and followed as well, while nodding. I took a puff cigarette, blew the smoke coming right out from my mouth and nose. That was heaven. Nothing could compare, it felt like freedom. From the chaotic life and my miserable heart that no one could see. I'm breaking and falling apart. Fucking apart.

But Kiba couldn't see that. I don't blame him. I've never let him in. Never will. What a loser i am.

Kiba did the same after taking my box of cigarette and a stick out from it. He blew, " What'cha thinking, man?" I shook my head before sucking in the bad shit that could kill me.

xxxxx

I went home immediately after that. Kiba followed along. "Mum, I'm home."

" Ah, you ungrateful brat. Skipped class again?" The usual as she was bitching around.

" Go fucking get a job if you're so free. You ain't doing any good shit lying your useless ass around here!" It was clear she was drunk again. She was always drunk. With her blonde hair and two low-tied ponytails, everyone knew who she was. She is Tsunade, the woman who was once the leader of the hookers. Shes too old for that shit now, she's 50 and no one fucking believes me.

This year I would turn 17. And up till now, I never seen my father.

"Job, eh?" I made it sound like a joke. I turned to Kiba and asked if he needed any help with his illegal sales. None needed. My mum eventually got mad and kicked my "useless" ass out, again.

No money, no job and no home. Fucking great.

"Wanna come over tonight again?" It wasn't unusual, everytime my mother is drunk, everything i do is wrong and eventually i'll get kicked out from my own house.

"Nah, you'll head home first. I need some space."

xxxxx

It was midnight, I was roaming around the empty streets like some kind of homeless person. I'm only 17. Feeling like a fool, i went and stole some beer. I ran out of the convenient store and hid in a dark alley and drank my way to heaven. My heart's crushed. My life's ruined.

I ran up all the way to my used to be lover's house, I couldn't stand it. I couldn't think straight without him. He always made my life easier, better and happier. Why the fuck is he not with me now?! I banged on the door like some kind of insane motherfucker, little did i know i was so drunk i was hardly aware what the fuck i was doing.

The perfectly gorgeous guy opened the door, with his messy spikey hair, navy long sleeve shirt with his sleeves pulled up to his elbows and his ripped skinnies that only he would wear to sleep. I missed him, everything about him. He was shocked to see me, and being the drunk shit i am, I pushed him onto the ground, got on top of him and held him but the collar of his shirt, " WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME, YOU PROMISED TO STAY. YOU PROMISED TO LOVE ME FOREVER."

I yelled that i thought it woke the whole neighbour. Tears just keep rolling and rolling down my faces across my scarred cheeks. He seemed even more shocked, with his eyes and mouth open even though no sounds were made. It seemed like i lost control, i punched him again and again and again. Like forever. Kicked him, slapped him, punched him, hurt him physically the way he hurt me mentally and emotionally. But it could never made me feel better. And he didn't defend himself, or pushed me away. He just foolishly let me whack him up.

xxxxx

The morning finally came. And the nightmare was over. My head was spinning so badly i could hardly get out of bed. It's wasn't my bed, neither was it Kiba's.

It wasn't Kiba, neither was it my mum. It was sasuke's bed. And sasuke.

It wasn't a nightmare. He was covered in scars and bruises, slits and scratches, burn marks and dried blood.

Did i do this? Did i do this to him? If so, why does my heart still ache so badly. I broke down again, feeling like i've completely gone insane. I swallowed my screams. Why is the pain so unbearable. Soft screams came out, eventually waking up the light sleeper. He quickly sat up and buried me in his arms. He's still so warm. And loving.

I pushed him away with all my force even though my head was pounding.

" Stop trying to act like you care. Hell, i don't want you to pretend like you love me, let me be crazy over you and _leave_ me crazy over you. I'd die."

He shook his head, " That isn't my intention."

"Th-then why the fuck did you leave me! Everything was fucking fuck perfect!" This fury rage boiling in my blood, just waiting to explode. After all the years of "loving me" and then suddenly disappear out of my life and come back pretend not even knowing me, what the fuck? This ain't a show. Im no clown, no fool, i hate him.

"I'm sorry.. I didn't- i didn't know." ... " I didn't know you would be like this." He continued.

Didn't know?! Didn't know?! Whose leg you pulling man, you liar, you bastard. We were so happy, and you were faking it all along. How could you not know i love you, how could you not know i'd end up like this.. without you.

I kept my cool, but inside my mind I was going insane.

My hands trembling with pure pain, hurt, misery and hatred.

All the anger in me just want to make me hit the shit out of him again.

"I'm s-s-s..sorry for y-our wounds.." I had to say it. It was my fault after all..

" It's alright, I deserved it for the bastard I am." He kissed my forehead.

I slapped him. " _STOP IT, STOP TRYING TO PLAY NICE AND THEN LEAVE ME TO DIE. STOP IT."_

He was in pain. After the fresh wounds i caused him, i just gave a direct hit on them again. "I-i-i..I'm sorry!" I almost cried out. He smiled softly with sharp eyes that could almost kill. I got lost in those pale lips, and deep black eyes again.

" Please take care of me. " He whispered.

Wha-? What did he just say. I was just taken aback.


	2. 2 Misunderstood

For the past following week, Sasuke and I skipped school.

I didn't come home to see my mother, I only came home to took some clothes. She was lying on the couch as drunk as fuck. I also have not been meeting Kiba, he tried to ring me up a couple of times but I ignored it. I'm fucking stupid. Really, i am just a fool.

I fell back in love with Sasuke again.

Fuck. I even sort of "moved in". Sasuke's parents died a few years ago. That's when he went astray. Doing drugs, tattoo and shit. He was an entire new person. But who am i to say? A few years later after he done it, aren't i the same state as him now? Doing crack and shit.

"Breakfast's ready." I announced.

We sat, and ate in silence. Should I speak first? Or would i sound too desperate?

Sasuke looked as though he had difficulty eating due to his wounds, though it was a week ago, it still had some impact on him. I got to say, I'm a hell of a fighter. Both of us have gone through fights before, whether it's gang-related or money-related. " Let me help you." As i promised, i would take care of him. Hell, I ain't like him! I don't break promises!

I slowly fed him, and he kept looking at me with such sweet, loving eyes. It's bound to make me go insane eventually. He placed his lips against mine. " I love you, always have. "

I dropped the bowl of noodles. Again, I was shocked. I knew he was a sweet-talker. But it struck like lighting through my body everytime he did. With all the shattered pieces around on the floor, i quickly picked them up. " Don't help me, you'll injure yourself again. It's my fault. I-i'll pick it up myself!" I hurrily picked all the sharp pieces, not caring if they cut me. All i want to do now is run, escape from him.

Because i don't know what to say, do, react.. I'm afraid i might cry again.

I ran to the kitchen, where i felt much safer and comfortable. Did he just say..? No way, that son of a bitch. After leaving me to deal with all this fucking shit, he comes back and tells me he still loves me? Like fucking hell i'd believe him! He pretended to never knew me, like none of ' us ' ever happened. Fucking liar. I'm not going to fall for the same trick twice.

But i have. Who am i kidding? I've always loved him. And i'm still falling for the same trap.

I threw the broken pieces in the rubbish bin, like how my heart was broken in pieces, he knew i was fragile, dropped me and threw me away. Just like that. I hate him.

I bandaged my fingers with plasters. And walked out of the kitchen, " Here, have my noodles."

" No need. You're injured. Is it my turn to take care of you now?" He smirked.

I shook my head and _harshly _rejected his offer.

I pretended to be okay, but inside I'm dying to cry out. I hated myself each time I forgave him. I kept telling everyone I'm over him, but really, am i?

Suddenly, a loud banging of the door rudely stole me away from my thoughts inside my mind. Because I was in the kitchen, and Sasuke was at the dinner table, it was easier for him to answer the door. I slowly walked out of the kitchen, wondering who might it be? His girlfriend?

Then I heard Kiba and a loud clash of noise. " You bloody fucker! Where's Naruto! What the fucking hell did you do with him!?" I ran, as fast as my legs could carry me. "_STOP. STOP YOU ASSHOLE."_

I yelled, but Kiba was my bestfriend, why the hell did I just call him an asshole? The anger rose in me, I felt so hot inside as if I was about to explode. Kiba looked at me, let go of Sasuke's collar and rushed towards me, hugging me like he found his long lost son. I finally cooled down, and hugged Kiba as well. I patted his back, " I'm-I'm alright.." It was so embarassing. Because im the one always boasting that I was so fucking over him, and yet, here I am living in his house.

" Why are you here? Are you hurt? Come home with me." Kiba stared right through me.

I slowly shook my head and forced a smile. "No, I'm alright here."

He furiously turned to Sasuke, " What the fuck did you do to him?! You must have kidnapped him and poison him huh!" He tried to strangle Sasuke, but unknowingly, I gave him a hard hit with my knuckles pressing on his cheeks. He fell back onto the ground, totally astonished by what I did. I, myself was shocked.

" Please come home with me. " We were so used for me to sleep over his house, he even told me the house was 'Ours'. He looked at me with the familiar eyes of pain and misery. The ones I had. He grabbed my wrist, and dragged me closer to him. I looked over my shoulders to see Sasuke, just standing there. What a shithead. I cuddled into Kiba's chest, yet still keeping an eye on the duck-butt hair.

Deep in my heart, I just wanted him to show a little more emotion, concern, jealousy and love towards and about me. I shed tears when I was hid between my best friend's arms. When all hope of emotion was lost, something sparked.

I felt such tender hands ruffling through my hair. It slowly made me turn to this person. Sasuke. He grabbed me instead and pushed me into his arms. I was fucking shocked.

I kept quiet, but I was screaming like a hard-core fan girl in my mind.

Kiba was furious, and it seemed like both of them wanted to fight already.

" _I love Naruto. _You broke his heart, he should stay with me. I'd never do anything to hurt him."

"Tsk, well. I love Naruto as well. And I think he feels the same way about me."

That's it? That was all he was going to say? No apologies, no reason why he left me? No remorse why he hurt me throughout all these years? Damn, I was. So. Fucking. Mad. I could have gone insane.

"Pshhh, -it-all. I don't fucking love you nor your ego._ Bitch."_ I clenched my fists together.

I broke the silence, and started the new _'__Awkward'_ silence.

Kiba was smirking at the back, Sasuke was left between us frozen in the state of shock and loss for words. While I, tried to hold back my love and tears. I felt like I should have taken back my words. I knew I made a hard impact on him. But I don't want to apologize, because I know he deserves nothing better.

"Game is over. Naruto, come with me." Kiba smiled so widely until I could see his fangs. He was happy, so why wasn't i?

"O-ok.." I stretched my hand out to Kiba as he was doing the same. Sasuke violently grabbed my stretched out hand for Kiba and carried me, princess style to the bed room where he quickly locked the door. Kiba banged his door so hard I thought it was going to break apart. He calmly and slowly let me put me on the bed.

"You love me, don't you?" He suddenly asked with such desperation.

He finally swallowed his pride.

I never spoke. Or rather never let any words dying to escape from my lips out.

" I know you love me. I know it." His eyes was searching for an answer in mine.

… "I-…You..If you loved me, you wouldn't have left me because you knew it would kill me."

"I had a reason. I _have_ a reason." His voice was with such firm passion.

I folded my arms, ignoring the loud banging coming from the idiot kicking the doors. He never gives up does he?

" Well, what is it?! If you tell me it's because of someone else, I'll kick you in the crotch and leave."

He looked down and shook his head. "No, it's not that."

He looked up again and looked steadily into my eyes. Before slowly speaking.

"I got involved in some illegal activities, and I owed them a lot of cash. Every day I would fight with them because they would come looking for me and chase me for the money. I knew I would pull you into this situation, so I had to get you to get the fuck out fast. That's the reason before I broke off, I always disappear and you had no way to contact me."

Is he kidding me? I could have helped him.. or not. Besides my mother, I have no one. And hell, like my mother would give me any cash..

"But why did you-"

"Why? Because I knew your mother wasn't giving you enough cash to survive. That's why before I broke off, I made sure you had enough cash, food and clothes."

He was close to tears.

" And then I had to skip town, because of the morons. I couldn't fight everyday. I'm human after all."

And finally one tear leaked out his eye.

"And.. When I came back, you were with that new guy. Kiba. I thought he was your boyfriend. So I never bothered you. It hurts me, to see you with him. I thought you would wait for me. After everything I done."

Kiba broken in, smashing through the door with a chair. Though, it was about time.

No..no..no. I put him in pain and suffering much more than me. And I thought I was the one suffering.. how stupid have I been.

"Silly.." My voice trembled. " How could I love anyone else than you. Kiba's just my best friend."

Shit, fuck me. I totally got lost in sasuke's eyes I had forgotten Kiba was standing there.

He dropped the chair.


	3. 3 Heartbroken

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Kiba stood there, shrivering with hurt and anger. His eyes could kill as the stare was so intense towards me.

"Wasn't it clear I _loved_ you from the start?" He continued to speak. With tears slowly falling down his face. I felt so guilty, just for me both idiots are crying. But which side should i be on?

Sasuke isn't a bastard any more, his reason was totally vaild.

But Kiba had always been there for me..

"I..-" Before I could speak, Kiba, fast as lightning, picked up the wooden chair and ran towards Sasuke who was on the bed. "_ NO KIBA, DON'T DO IT!"_

I ran and ran and ran.. Hoping I could make it in time. The world seems to slow down for that moment, I see Kiba running and Sasuke putting his arms in a denfensive positive.

I heard the smashing of the wooden chair, as it hits and break apart..

"I made it.. I made it in time." Blood slowly drips down my head as i began to lose consciousness.

I collapsed.

xxxxx

I woke up in a white room, with white walls, ceilings, bed and pillow.

No, it wasn't Heaven. I was in a hospital. My head was wrapped in a bandage, and it was still spinning. Sasuke was the first one I saw when i came to. "Wh-..where's Kiba?" "He's outside of your room.. He couldn't bear to come in here and face you."

His eyebrows narrowed, obviously getting touched my forehead slowly, " How are you feeling? Alright? "I nodded slowly with pink blush across my cheeks. That wa the feeling of love, how I missed it.

"You wait here." He said as he left the bed and went out of the room. I could hear the two agruing outside of my room. I tried to get up, but the head ache only made me feel defeated. I felt, weak and numb. Dammit. I took a metal flask on the small table beside my bed and tried my best to throw it as far as it can go towards the door. It managed to hit the door with a loud sound.

"Naruto!" Both boys yelled as they opened the door. When they knew they were trolled, they came in, smiling sheepishly. "Kiba." That was the strongest my voice could go as I signaled him to come closer. Kiba walked slowly without making an eye contact.

"I'm sorry.. I'm so fucking sorry!" He cried out loud.

Sasuke was again, pissed. "Look at what you fucking did."

" It was your fault to make me angry you bastard."

"It was your own fault to pick up _MY_ wooden chair, you fucktard."

"Why you-" Both of them began to punch and kick one another again. This time i threw a spoon at them.

Both of them turn to look at me, and Sasuke exhaled. "Dobe's mine."

Kiba frowned yet refusing to say a word. "Stop you asses, if this continues, I'm going home with neither of you!"

"Yeah, you can come to my house, I'll take good care of you." Sasuke convinced.

"No,no. You should come to mine, remember on Thursday's my mum cook your favourite sushi's."

"Fuck sushi, I can cook ramen for you."

"Fuck ramen, I could-.."

All three of us stared at them, and sweat rolled down our foreheads. We broke the silence and laughed. I was laughing out loud, but in my head i panicked. I wanted to go home with Sasuke, how do I tell Kiba? I love Sasuke, how do I tell Kiba? Oh well.. At least I still have 2 more months, before releasing from the hospital and go home with Sasuke. Till then, I'll think of an excuse.

Two months sure passed quickly, every day either Sasuke or Kiba would visit me or both of them would visit me at the same day. And end up fighting for me to pick their flowers/fruits/meal and, love. I pick them both, but I'll always choose Sasuke.. I always look more foward to his visits and get slightly disappointed whenever it's Kiba.

I feel so guilty.

xxxxx

One day, Sasuke visited me alone. Kiba was no where to be seen, I felt elated but then guilty again..

"Sasuke," I sat upbright. " I..- I have been thinking. I want to go home with you.. But how do I tell Kiba?" Sasuke's face lit up, " Are you serious? "

I bit my lips and nodded.

He cheered and hugged me as if I won first prize. Or rather, as if _he_ won first prize.

I'm his first prize. I uncontrollably smiled at that thought as he kissed my forehead repeatly.

"But you promise not to tell Kiba until then!" I sticked out my pinky finger.

"Promise." He hooked his pinky with mine. And our hands entwined. Eventually we kissed.

xxxxx

I woke up next day, "Oh crap! He didn't gave me any ideas for the excuse!"

"What excuse?" Said the brunette.

"Uh.." My eyes frantically searching for an excuse for the excuse in the room.

"An excuse for the nurses to stop giving me meals because you already provided me that."

" I see. Why not just tell them the truth? I'm sure they realized I visit you almost every day."

So does Sasuke... I mentally slapped myself. Feeling guilty.

"Ah, great! I'm getting fat."

I smiled awkwardly.

xxxxxx

The week was finally over. Both of the men barged in at the same time.

"So, are you coming home with me?" Kiba persuaded with a loud voice.

"Or me?" Sasuke interrupted with a firm voice.

I had two months, Naruto.. Two freaking months!

I stood there, hating myself for not thinking of an excuse.


	4. Mistakes

Uh...uh..uh..

shit..shit..shit..

My brain totally shut down. My eyes searching help in Sasuke's.

Sasuke walked towards me, grabbed my hand, and exclaimed, " Naruto wants to go home with me." Kiba held his stomach and laugh. "What makes you think so, douchebag?"

"I'm sorry, Kiba.." I spoke. Not enough to cry yet. Trembling with guilt.

Kiba stopped laughing. In shock, he just stood there. Grabbing and squeezing his stomach instead.

Dammit.. This is never going to end happy, one way or another.. It's my fault.

"B-b-b-but.. Why? I was always there for you, even when Sasuke's not around." His voice began to shake as he fought the losing war.

I stayed silent. What was i suppose to say? I love him more than you? Hell no. Then I used you as a company all the time? No.. Fuck no.. That's not true.. " I really cherish you as a friend. But.. Only a friend." I smile, trying to lift the mood. But it didn't work. Sasuke stood there, I'm sure he's fucking happy now.

Kiba almost started to cry, as he looked down. Not daring to admit he lost to Sasuke. Sasuke grabbed my things as fast as I blinked, and dragged me, "C'mon. Let's go." He said in a very warm and tempting voice. As we walked out of the room, I see Kiba sitting down my hospital bed. Looking onto the floors, shrivering. Crying. Maybe. And it's all my fault.

And then, he was totally out of my sight. My heart crumbled and died. But I'm sure Kiba's heart died too as well. "Wait!" He ran towards us. I halted, pulled Sasuke back as he was so eager to get out of the hospital.

"Please take care of Naruto,Sasuke." He bit his tongue. As tears fell. Painfully.

It's my fault..

"I will, good-bye." Said the cold man, he doesn't even give a shit. And started walking already.

"I know you, Sasuke."

He stopped in his tracks.

"I know, you're still in a gang even though you told Naruto you quitted your nonsense."

"Heh, as if you're not in one."

"I am, but I told Naruto the truth."

I sigh. This is too messed up. It can't be true right? Sasuke can't lie to me.

"Fine." He dropped my bags and kneel down.

"I'm sorry my beloved Naru, I lied. I'm still with The Alriax."

"But why? Why did you have to lie?"

"I didn't want you to worry. I couldn't quit, I'm one of the head's over there."

"Thank you, kiba." I stormed off.

Sasuke eyed Kiba full of fucking daggers, and ran after me.

I stormed so angrily until a few minutes later, I realized i was so angry, i stormed to my own house.

I decided since i was here, might as well visit my old hag. I do miss her.

I stopped, turn to look behind and Sasuke was a few steps behind from me as he was panting and sweating. I felt bad as he carried my bags and ran after me.

Ah, but whatever! He lied! I'll forgive him and take that as punishment.

I kissed his forehead, as he wanted to hug me but couldn't because of the bags. Most of them contained the flowers, fruits and ramen. So it was bulky.

I went up to my door as i insert the keys in. Slowly, i opened the door.

The place was a mess, clothes everywhere, food, furnitures looked almost flipped over as picture frames smashed and pests conquered my used to be apartment.

"Mum..?" I tried to walk pass the messy jungle. Sasuke dropped my bags at the door step, not wanting to add on to the mess inside _or_ afraid the pests would attack my bags.

I reach the small hallway between two doors and in the middle, the toilet. I opened her doors, hoping to find her asleep instead of a rampage. And also _Hopefully_ NOT drunk. But sadly, she was no where to be seen. I got alittle worried as I knew she still owe some gang's money,but i heard it was a small sum.. and she seldom leave the apartment. Could she have gotten killed? I knew she offended a lot of gangsters and often get drunken fights..I looked around, my mother and Sasuke was no where to be seen. I jumped past the 'jungle' and popped my head out the main door. Sasuke was standing there, smoking.

"Why aren't you coming in? Afraid of the rats?" I giggled.

He shook his head as he exhaled smoke. Comes to think of it, after i met Sasuke again, I stopped smoking. "Any idea where my mother went?"

He shook his head again as this time, he inhaled. I sensed something wrong. Terribly wrong.

But i hoped it was just my feelings.

xxxxx

When we reached Sasuke's house, Sasuke immediately dropped my bags and headed to shower after he gave me a kiss and a warm loving hug.

Meanwhile, i immediately dialed my mother's handphone number and unpacked the food and clothings from the bags. It rang and rang but no one picked up.

I stacked the ramen on the top shelf and threw the clothes into the basket.

I stopped trying. I couldn't stand it anymore. I want to go out and find her. But where?

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit! What if really the gang got her? What was the gang name again..

The motherfucking gang she borrowed money from. What was it...

Sasuke opened the bathroom door and step out. " Reached her yet? " He asked. Drying his head from a baby blue towel. I sadly shook my head. And loudly sighed.

" Do you remember which gang she borrowed money from? " I asked. Hoping i told him a thing or two about her. I rant a lot to him. A lot.

"Yeah, I think so. If I remember correctly, it was mine?"

"Your gang?! You kidding me,bro?! Of all gangs in the country!"

"Hang on, I'll call someone up." He walked aside as he put his phone to his ear.

I pray hard it wasn't his. Alriax is the fucking most intimidating gang in the whole of the country!

Stupid mother, how could she mess with Alriax! I know you're a big fuck and all, Mum but you're so old now, this shit ain't good for you! You know they'll never spare women or kids..

"What was your mother's name again?" Sasuke snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Tsunade.." I said. With an awkward feeling. I haven't called her that for very long. Hah, she hardly calls me her son. But, i don't hate her. I love her, so much. Please god, may she be safe..

"Yeah, she borrowed a couple of thousand dollars from us."

My world shattered.

xxxxx

I cried and cried all night. Even Sasuke couldn't calm me down.

"Please.. tell me.. I am very fearful of the truth but I need to know.."

"Yes dear? Anything."

"Did your gang hurt her..or even worst..k-..k-kill..her." I was just sobbing my eyes out. I couldn't even speak properly. I knew she haven't paid them back yet, but she promised me not to borrow any more and stayed inside the house. But then, how could she get money to buy so much beer? Or even , fuck me! Why didnt i think of that! She must have borrowed more from them!

Shit. Fucking shit. Its my fault.. I didnt take care of her.. Shes so old now.. And I kept being occupied with sasuke.. I even forgotten to give her cash.. By earning it or stealing it.. I was being so well-fed, I didn't even think of it. I done so many mistakes these months.. I'm so horrible.. So horrible.

"Well?!" I looked at Sasuke fiercely, as if he owed me. I couldn't stand it.

"Calm down first, alright." He said, eyes full of remorse and pain.

Why?

I took a deep breath, and prepared myself.

Sasuke hugged me, and spoke softly into my ear.

" I. killed. her."


	5. Reason

I was taken aback. Totally taken aback. I harshly pushed the killer away.

"It's true..?" Tears immediately escaped from my eyes. Falling a million times harder and faster.

He kept quiet. "Please tell me!" I begged, pulling his shirt closer to my aching head. I pushed him onto the bed, almost suffocating him. "Tell me, you fucking bastard!" My salty tears fall onto his face.

That is why he didn't came in my house. He stood outside. Smoking. That is why i felt something terribly wrong. That is why he had remorse and pain in his eyes. He's a fucking killer.

He tried to catch his breath, as i let him go. Slowly. I begged for answers that only he can answer.

"Please tell me.. it's not true.. That you're helping the killer to cover..up.." I could hardly speak as the lump in my throat harden. And tears fell like heavy pouring rain.

My voice cried out loud. Been crying for hours now. And still no reply. Just comforting hands.

xxxxx

I ran off, to the ocean where i can scream all my problems to.

The killer followed.

I stopped to breathe, and turned behind.

"Why are you following me?! Want to kill me as well?"

"Look! I swear! I never knew it was your mother."

"..." I bit my lip in hatred as the wind blew strongly.

"I'm truly sorry. Im so sorry.. Please.. I was just doing my part. I never knew.. Your mother owe us a lot."

"When.. did you do it?"

I was so scared to death, yet i had to find out.

"The two months you were in the hospital. I'm so sorry.. I never never never.. would have expected.."

He's kidding me.. It's all my fault for not being by my mother's side.. She went through hell..

"I'm so sorry, i never told you earlier. I'm such a fucker. Such a bloody messed up fucker..I didn't know how to tell you.." His eyes water, and soon leaked down.

"I don't know what to say.. I stood outside the apartment.. I was lost for words.. As i was the one that made your apartment a mess.. I never knew you lived with your mum. We only use to hang out at my place.. I only remember you ranting about your drunken mum.. I'm so so.. sorry.."

He clenched his hand around his shirt, unable to bear the pain and guilty. Remorse and hatred for himself. He turned around, not being able to face me and face up to his guilt.

"I..hate myself." His voice shook. "Please.."

The sun came up.

"Please just go.. Sasuke.. I need some space.."

He nodded.. Not daring to come any closer and without a kiss or hug, he turned and slowly dragged himself away.

I dropped onto my kneels into the soft sand. Tears dropping and dropped onto the sand, tempting to just go into the sea and never come out. I could stand here for hours and ask God the question why he had to do it. Why he had to take my mother away.

Slowly i drag myself to the sea. The cold water surrounds me, like hands just wrapping around me. Somehow, making me feel warm and secure. Protected from all the cruelness of this harsh world. Feeling comfort in every way, i slowly submerged myself into the cold ocean.

xxxxx

I woke up.

It wasn't a nightmare.

I was still alive.

In a cold blooded killer's bed.

With a tear in his eye, he spoke, " Dearest, don't do this to me."

He swiftly put his arms around me and hugged me very tight.

" I was with you all along. I never left you in the beach. I wouldn't dare."

I stayed silent. Minutes of deafening silence feels like hours.

"Please.. you still have me.. I really never knew.. I'm serious..I'll do anything.. ANYTHING to atone for my sin."

" I don't need you! I need kiba.. right now.. You made me leave him!" I beat him repeatly over again and again.

He instantly went speechless.

I'm so desperate right now.. I really wished i chose Kiba..

We sat there.. No one spoke a word.

While i was thinking how to explain to Kiba, because right now, i really just want to return to him.

All that's left now, is to tell Sasuke I'm leaving.

And i did it. With no mercy.

"Sasuke, I'm leaving. I'm moving out."

And i went to pack my bags as i left the man sitting on the bed.

xxxxx

I called Kiba as soon as i was out of Sasuke's house.

"Good morning, how are ya?" The brunette chuckled.

"Long story, can i come over your house?" I said with all the energy that's left of me.. I was so tired.. Tired mentally and physically.

As i reached his house, i fell to his bed. As i spoke of the long and devastating story.

"Damn him. Fucking fuck him! I asked him to take care of you, and a day later, you're smashed."

He grit his teeth. " Don't worry. I'm always here for you. Whether you want it or not."

And with that he gave me a big warm, secure and comforting heart. Just like the cold ocean.

I fell asleep.

xxxxx

But i couldn't blame Sasuke, could i?

He never knew.

But the bad thing is, no matter who a person is, she'll always have love ones that would cry for her.

He shouldn't have done it.

Should I forgive him?

Should I not?

xxxxxx


	6. Betrayal

Months passed, I eventually stopped schooling. Just to disappear from this world. From everyone.

And from Sasuke. I stayed with Kiba, though I do visit my apartment sometimes. But the thought of my mother.. The Alriax.. Sasuke.. it just broke me down. I can't take this. Before I know it, I was back into the addiction of smoking again. It helps me to relief the agony. Sometimes..

Kiba did tell me Sasuke has been looking for me. Searching every where for me.. He even pestered Kiba for my whereabouts. That thought made me giggled.. But not for long.

I sighed. Winter was cold. I exhaled as my breath form into a mist of air and slowly fade away. I rubbed my hands together before I insert them into my deep pockets. Taking a stroll in the near by park, it was in the morning. Cold morning, Kiba should still be in bed. Craving for hot chocolate now. Yeah.. That would be good. Some warmth slipping down my throat. I decided to head down to the nearest Starbucks and get some mocha. While walking to Starbucks, I passed an alley. A dark alley, a man yelling for help as his voice echoed the narrow alley.

Huh? I ran in without a second thought. I recognise the guy beating the middle age man up. He has white eyes, long hair and a very cold heart. Beside him, a much taller and larger guy, wearing a coat and sunglasses. Neji and Shino. Both from the fucking Alriax. Drop outs from my "school".

Dammit. I so bloody fucking hate The Alriax.

"Well, no money? Pay up with your life then!" Yelled Neji. As he punched the middle age man in the stomach with a large amount of force.

"Hn, I think we gave you ample time to save up." Shino smirked, moving aside and giving space for Neji's beating. "I-m-*cough cough*-please spare..me." He coughed while holding onto his stomach. "Hey! That's no way to treat your elder!" I shouted before i even realize i was the one who shouted.

Neji dropped the adult who instantly fainted and turned to look at me. Shino smirked even wider.

"I know you..Naruto Uzumaki." Neji stepped in front as if he was the leader.

"Tsk. Neji! I'll damn you!" I ran towards him as if asking for a fight. I haven't fought for awhile. I wasn't sure if i was up to it. But the anger just boiled in me when i know he's from The Alriax and chasing for debts. Like my mother, she was probably tortured like the man did..

That thought rose my anger even higher, stronger and I gave Neji an instant punch. Shino immediately kicked my knees as it gave in and i fell. While neji was on the ground as well, I got up, ran past shino (Being the huge guy he is) and pulled Neji's hair smashing his face on the ground again and again. Shino looked shocked, as no human could touch Neji, let alone hurt him.

The larger man grabbed hold of my punching arm. And twisted my wrist. "Arghh!" A cracking sound was heard and the pain was excruciating. Dammit! I used my weaker arm, and gave a punch to Shino's sunglasses. Yes,the sunglasses. Right in the middle, it broke into two as fast as it came in contact with my hand. Once it broke, in a flash, i used two of my fingers and jabbed it into his eyes. "Fuuuck!" Shino let go of my broken wrist and Neji flipped me over as soon as Shino let go. He was sitting on my stomach as blood from his head dripped onto my face. "Payback's a bitch." He grabbed hold of my hair. And i knew it was coming. "Oh yeah, didn't Alriax kill your mother? Bitch was too poor to return the debt." He laughed.

I cletched my fist as my teeth gritted against one another. "Fuck you!" I spitted saliva onto his face as i tried to overtake him. But shit he was strong. "Shino! Get the fuck here and pin him down by his wrists!" Shino blinked as he rushed over here. He grabbed hold of my wrists, squeezing them as i tried to free myself. My broken wrist hurt so badly. All i could do was cry out, but i refuse to cry out. I bit my tongue and held back the tears and pain. Neji grabbed hold of my hair, slamming my head onto the rough floor. Again and again. He slammed me many more times compared to how many times i slammed him. I felt the back of my head bled as i began to fade in and out of reality.

"Stop it." A familar voice said.

xxxxx

I opened my eyes, my head was aching as i saw light.

I was in the hospital, again. Beside me, was.. Sasuke.

"Beloved, you're awake." He smiled as his lips run dry.

I could see the middle age man who was beated up beside my bed, still unconscious.

"I brought both him and you here, both of you were hurt so badly. Especially _you._" Sasuke's eyes began to water.

"I'm so sorry." He hugged me carefully but yet so comforting. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there.. I'm so sorrry for everything." It felt nice. Very nice to have him here, in his arms.

He assured me he taught Neji and Shino a lesson. Even though it was a strict rule to not hurt one another member of Alriax. Im very sure Alriax's leader wont be happy with what Sasuke has done.

"Are you not afraid what Alriax's leader will do?"

"I'll do anything for you."

"Sasuke.. You put your life in danger."

"I'll be fine. I won't die without you."

I gave him a smile, trying to comfort him and I. But it's all lies. From now, mine and Sasuke's life will be risky. No one fucks with the Alriax. Well, guess more fights! But hey, Sasuke and I are strong fighters! I giggled. "What?" Sasuke smiled at the sight of my genuine laugh.

"Don't worry, you and I are great fighters right?" I laughed.

"Yeah." He chuckled as well. Kissing my forehead.

I stopped smiling. As my heart beat faster. Sasuke's face got closer..

And closer.

Our lips touch.

"Does that mean you forgive me?" He pulled away.

...

"Silence means yes?"

...

"Alright!" He jumped around the room, awaking some patients.

I laughed at how silly he was.

"I'll go buy your favourite ramen to celebrate!" He ran out of the room like a flash of lightning.

He always seem to find a way into my heart.

xxxxx

Sasuke walked into the shop and ordered 3 bowls of ramen to take away, knowing i would eat at least two bowls. He also bought some milk, and dango.

"Hi Sasuke. I'm here to let you know you're about to disappear from this world."

Kiba stood in front of him, holding a sharp dagger.

"Disappear from Naruto's world as well." His voice got deeper.

"Tsh, fuck you." Sasuke answered calmly as he put the food down.

"Just so you know, Naruto and I are celebrating for our love again. So I can't play with you for very long."

This angered Kiba. Very much.

"I was sent by Alriax's leader. And I have some familar enemies of yours."

Neji and shino appeared in a glance.

"What?! You're from the Alriax?!"

Sasuke knew this would take up more of his time than he thought.

"Yes, but you won't have the chance to tell Naru."

xxxxx


	7. Why

Sasuke's Point of view.

xxxxx

Within a flash, he slashed his dragger through me, or at least tried to.

Tsk, this bastard should know he can never win me. Even with Neji and Shino at his side. "Come on, you can't be that much of a coward." I smirked. My sentence quickly affected Kiba as he signalled both of them to stay put. I glanced over to the food to make sure it was still safe and the moment I look back, BANG!

Kiba punched me upwards from my chin. I flew and landed pretty hard. Blood began escaping my lips, it tasted salty. I spitted the blood out to let him know I'm fucking pissed.

"That was such a cheap shot." I growled.

"Nothing is cheaper than you." He laughed.

And there goes my fists to his bare teeth as he shown while laughing.

"Hey! Bastard!" He yelled while wincing in pain.

He picked up the knife that he left on the ground, and locked eyes with me as he dashed towards me.

xxxxx

It had been hours since Sasuke left and he's still not back yet. I was getting worried and my anxieties was getting to me. What if.. what if the Alriax found him and wanted him dead? Oh no.. Oh no. My eyes began to water, but i held back. I wouldn't allow myself to lay here and do nothing while he's missing.. maybe fighting..Maybe dying.. Oh my god.

I slowly gotten up from the bed as the medicines starts to wear off. So did the Painkiller.

My wrists began to hurt damn badly as soon as i left the bed and my head got all dizzy. I walked and walked, hoping to find the exit but i wasn't pretty sure where i was going. All i know was to find Sasuke. And to find him now. My sight started to blur because my head ached so much. The world was almost spinning. I tried my best to avoid the nurses, and whenever they approach me, I just said I was going to the toilet and need no sorts of help. I stopped along the way and leaned by the wall, just to let my head rest. My hands couldn't support me because of my broken wrists. I'll be in so much pain if i were to fall now.

But then, despite the blurriness, the exit sign still glowed and i knew my way out. I walked, no ran out just in case any doctors or nurses would come after me. Finally i made it to the streets and I asked around people for the nearest Ramen shop. I knew my head was bleeding and the bandage needed to be changed soon, so i hurried up on my way to the nearest ramen stall and just hope for the best that he would be there. If my bleeding was shown, people would call for the hospital and i would start from square one again.. oh no.. got to hurry.

Please be there..

xxxxx

I ran forward as soon as he picked the knife up, and wanted to give him a punch but i missed.

He slashed me on my arm and I elbowed him on the side of his neck at a very particular area. The nerve-wrecking pain made him dropped the knife and i quickly took the knife and stab him in his upper tigh in the left leg. He yelled in pain. He kicked me in between my knees and it gave in. I fell on him and he gave me a hit.

He punched me again and again in the gut while I had a good kick on the side of his jaw. Both of us were bleeding but none of us gave in. I took the knife which i earlied pressed it into his leg because of the fall, and i harshly took it out. He yelled in pain again. I, in the sitting position on top of him, sitting right on his stomach, held the knife downwards and aim for the face.

"Give up?" The knife tip touched Kiba's nose as I slowly poke it in, ripping through flesh.

"Sasuke! Don't!"

I stared in the direction of the voice. And kiba took advantage of my distraction.

He grabbed the knife and facing upwards, to me, he charge the knife into my face.

I dodged it, as it was my advantage because i was above him and free to roam. As soon as he tried to take another shot at me, I punched him in the face, again and again and again and again until he gave up and drop the knife. His face was completely destroyed, his nose and lips was bleeding.

I got up, and looked for my angel. Neji and Shino was blocking him, being how small Naruto was, it was almost impossible for him to get to us. "Are you guys alright? Please tell me you are..Please Sasuke.. Kiba.." His voice echoed.

"Yes I'm alright." I walked towards the little guy and shoved the two idiots aside, they couldn't care less about Kiba. What i expected from people of the Alriax. Heartless. But then again, I was from the Alriax. I killed Naruto's mother. I am heartless as well. So fucking heartless. The hatred and anger towards myself just boiled in my blood.

But then someone special gave me a big and warm hug, and saved me from the rage i was about to go into. Before looking at my wounds, he whispered into my ear with his arms around me, "Where's kiba?" He finally remembered. I had to admit, i was jealous he cared but he was the bastard's best friend after all. "Fucker tried to kill me."

"What?"

"You heard me. That son of a bitch tried to fucking kill me."

"Impossible."

"Then what is this?"

This left him silent. He seem so shocked , he was loss for words.

"Kiba would never do that.." He mumbled.

"He did."

He peeked over from my body and looked at Kiba, lying there like a useless piece of shit.

"Is..Is.. he d-dead?"

"No." I sighed.

He ran over by his side and immediately, i missed the warmth he gave to me. I sighed again and turn around to walk over to them.

Did he really have to care? Kiba was the one that tried to kill me after all. It wasn't my fault he is in this state. Fucker should have known i could win him. Dammit naruto! Stop caring about him!

"He was in Alriax all along."

"What?" Another mind blowing shock of fact was given to him.

"Alriax.. They made my life so terrible."

I sighed and squatted beside my love, guiltly looking at Kiba, yeah. He is right. Alriax is nothing but trouble. Why am i still with them. Im such a bastard. I'm no better than kiba.

Kiba's eyes opened as he smiled when the first thing he saw was my beloved.

_Fuck off._

I really wanted to say that, but Naruto seemed happy. But he should known better that he is mine.

Naruto hugged Kiba as well, "Come on, lets go patch you up. I also need to talk to you.."

He said with a tone full of sadness and disappointment. Almost enough to make my heart stop and give Kiba another stab for doing this to Naruto. Though, Naruto.. I wished you would treat me a little more special than Kiba. He is a good for nothing asshole after all..

xxxxx

Kiba was in the hospital that i checked into, and I was really upset with him. I can't believe he would lie to me. About all of this. And tried to kill Sasuke?

Should i leave him? Im afraid he would attack Sasuke again. But then again, he was there for me when Sasuke wasnt. I can't just leave him.

But i really need to talk to him. I want to know why. Why all of this happened. Why he did this. My life started the went downhill when it was beginning to be so happy when i found Sasuke. It's all the Alriax's fault.

Kiba was placed in a bed beside mine and he was still asleep. I couldn't sleep yet because i kept thinking. But then, i also had fear. What if, he would also try to kill me now?

Or maybe when i fell asleep, he would kill Sasuke?

Sasuke was sitting next to my bed, but he havent spoken since we got here. He looked really pissed off. I guess i would be at a guy who betrayed me and tried to kill me. Sasuke was all patched up as his wounds weren't really serious. Benefits for a guy who joined Alriax much more longer than Kiba.

But for now, I just really need to talk to Kiba..


End file.
